Have you ever liked someone so much that you are just too scared to fall? One of my friends told me that we build walls around us to distance ourselves from others. But there are some who dare to break those walls in order to get closer to us. That's when we realize that that person is someone willing to take that extra step and risk it all.

I hate being vulnerable.
And they say you fall in love.

True, in a way, you do fall. By that it means, you can't really choose who you fall in love with. It's unexpected. You find yourself humming happy tunes or smiling and just thinking about that person. But that's how far falling goes.

You do the rest. Love ain't easy shit. You cry, you get hurt, you swallow your pride. You go through mind games and wondering whether he likes you back, hoping for a sign. But you should realized you have to make it happen. If it doesn't work, they'll say at least you tried. And you know you did. But maybe even more, you got a glimpse of how hard it is to love. We all know we can't arrange things in the way we want them to "appear" while we fall because in the process of falling, you have no control over anything, at the mercy of gravity.

Sometimes you think he's slowly letting you in on his life, his secrets, his thoughts, and even the seemingly most "senseless" things he has to say. But unpredictable he is, he'll shut you off. Not the tackless, rude, sudden "let's-not-talk-about-it-anymore type of 'brush off'" but the polite, almost subtle, and humorous kind which makes it hard for you to be outraged and frustrated.

Unfathomable.

Funny when you like someone so much, everything seems a shade brighter. Then I realised, does my day have to depend on him? No way, I refuse to believe that but a tugging feeling told me: "Yeah right".

A well known philosopher once said,
"What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination, will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning, what you will do with your evenings, how you will spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude.

Fall in love, stay in love and it will decide everything."

Is love the great equalizer?
I don't know. I'd say it brings people together yet sets them apart.

No matter how much you try to steer yourself away from the pain, it'll get to you sooner or later because we are, after all, humans.

I am one who is difficult for guys back then - I barely surrender to them and keep my ego high. But since I met him, everything change. To keep it short - no matter how much it hurts me, I still always have this urge to find him and keep being nice. It's like a drug. No matter how much that we know it's going to destroy our lives, we still try hard to get and enjoy it, even when we know that we're costing our lives at it.

I have my hopeless romantic side. But don't count on it to always show.


Who you set out to be isn't always who you become.